Dear Suri,

Happy birthday! Today you are seven. So, to celebrate, we typed your name into our whirligig future machine. And lo! This list of predictions churned out 20 minutes later. (It isn’t the highest spec model, OK?)

You are a devotee to the pink princess dress and ballet pump right now, we know. You slam doors when Mum so much as glances at a pair of jeans. But, your polka dot days are numbered. Because you have gone Full Disney so young, you will inevitably rebel. It’s physics, or something.

There are already glimmers of your buckaroo insurgence. That pink trilby replacing the glittery headband. Your move away from monochrome and red, to successfully flirting with navy and orange. Flinging aside the cream, Peter Pan collar lady coats for big, rock-star fur. Less Blair Waldorf; more Georgia Jagger.

Our findings reveal the stylings and elan of a renegade fashion genius. You already mix pink and red fearlessly. Ego clearly isn’t a problem, since you’ve been seen out in a panda hat too. But by 2028 you will be a tastemaker of Kate Moss magnitude. One day you will wear a bathrobe to a club for the hell of it and a thousand girls will, puzzled but determined, do the same the very next day.

Mum confiscated all the free fashion swag, we know darling. To keep you ‘grounded’ or somesuch. But, you will thank her. You won’t expect hand-outs, whereas Lindsay Lohan’s kids will minesweep drinks and liberate unattended handbags. After confiscated-lipstick-gate, you will be an understated beauty, unlike the Hiltons; Hermes, OneHundred and ! (Yep, that’s her name.)You hang with the Rossdales, smoking pot and shooting pool. You’re coaching Harper Seven on pap-handling – she’s nearly got your ‘make my day, punk’ look down.

Oh, and did we mention? You’re going out with Maddox Jolie-Pitt. Dad does not approve but so what? You can hardly see him for that beard anymore anyway.