When it comes to beauty straight-talk, you can count on the French to tell it like it is. But Mireille Guiliano, a former Chief Executive at Veuve Clicquot and author of bestseller, French Women Don't Get Fat, has reached new heights of bizarreness in her latest book, French Women Don't Get Facelifts.

To be fair, it does also contain lots of sound, common sense beauty advice on everything from naturally anti-ageing foods to the most-flattering hair colours. But that's not why we think you should read it. 

Flicking through the pages it's painstakingly obvious that ours, and Mireille's life, have very little in common. Her penchant for eating oysters four days in a row for instance. Or the importance of getting your haircut on a full moon (why??) are, quite frankly, bonkers beauty gems that, if nothing else, made us spit out our tea when we read them. 

Here are our top 12 bizarre (and at times, painfully blunt) excerpts from the book.

1. Researching plastic surgeons

"If you’re contemplating getting a facelift, you obviously will want and need a lot more information. And here my advice is right out of my business background: get three bids."

2. The astrology of haircuts

"You should plan a trim every two to three months to get rid of tired strands and keep your hair healthy. Many French women (moi included) believe the right day to cut is on a full moon." 

3. Historical anti-ageing methods

"Perhaps someday we will return to the ‘new and improved’ painted faces of the court of France during Louis XIV’s reign as again the ne plus ultra of beauty. Painted beauty marks are something to contemplate as we age."

4. Anti-ageing foods

"Oysters can help with dark circles too, if they are related to iron or B12 deficiencies. Oysters are one of my favourite foods – I think I could eat them every day, though I have not tested that theory beyond perhaps four days.” 

5. The Hollywood machine

"Watch an award show like the Oscars broadcast globally and you will see beautiful actresses, dressing like models. After fasting painfully (and complaining about it publicly to bond with their audience), these actresses are squeezed into gowns (often with skin fully exposed on their backs and sometimes shoulders) that are loaned by famous fashion houses and designers. Their hair is elaborately styled and frozen in place and their make-up is camera perfect. They are jacked up four or five inches to appear abnormally tall. And that is our ideal of beauty? It certainly would not pass Renoir’s test."

6. Being anti-blue denim 

Muiccia Prada shows her attitude by never wearing blue jeans (me neither) and for being different as an intellectual of fashion (while being one of the most influential designers in the world today).

7. Daily hair washing

"The reason we don’t believe in daily hair washing is that after our nightly skin-cleansing ritual we also have one for your hair: put your head forwards, and with a good quality brush ( a boar bristle brush is the best investment), brush you hair in reverse to get rid of dust and give it some breathing."

8. The work life balance

‘Some people actually feel guilty when not working or when taking time for themselves. The next time you meet someone, start with the questions “What do you do for play?” You’ll be amazed at the look, silence, or admittance of their lack of playtime.”

9. Snacking

"I had to go back to childhood to remember why I’m not a fan of snacks (besides the fact that when I eat three meals a day, I don’t need one.) Indeed, it was my mother who taught my brother and me, with subtleness, to avoid them. She’d say something like “You just had lunch,” or “We are going to have dinner soon,” or “Have a glass of water” and distract us from our nagging. It worked. While snacking was not really an option, The French sometimes take a small fourth meal called gouter, an occasional taste of something in the afternoon."

10. Exercising moderation

"The saying “Qui dort dine” (If you are hungry, go to sleep and it will replace a meal) works to a great extent: no need to go to bed starving, though trying to fall asleep and stay asleep when full or stuffed after that TV snack is definitely not ideal." 

11. Catherine Deneuve

“Today, when you see Catherine Deneuve, you still can’t help but go “Wow”. She is a little rounder and not afraid to show her neck, which betrays more or less her age, but she seems to be saying comfortably. 'Who cares? I am the whole package, not just an ageing neck.'"  

12. Flattering make-up

"Here are two realities: (1) bad make-up, as in boldly penciled-in eyebrows, too much eyeliner on the upper and lower lids, colouring-book colours, et cetera, et cetera, makes one look like a clown at best and grotesque at worst."