White is the megabitch of the kaleidoscope. She'll point it out when you spill an infinitesimal amount. Cackle at your rude parts when you stray into unfortunate lighting. Say you're fatter than you really are. 

Those who traverse the perilous path from day to night in white unscathed, are bestowed with Powers. They are the same mysterious unicorn women who can do a messy upknot one-handed on the tube while applying impeccable hot pink lipstick without mirror. They probably have a neat-as-a-pin giftwrap drawer with a rainbow of ribbons. Bet they can make soufflés too. They probably open their bills immediately, pay pronto and sort into plastic folders, rather than feel inclined to hiss and chuck holy water at the brown mountain of paperwork. 

The allure of a white garment lies in the alchemical effect it has on even the most ghostly British tan. And the fact that if done with gloss, it makes the wearer look expensive. Daddy bought me the whole pony club, I summer in the Riveria, my boyfriend's called Crispin expensive. It's the reason that Kate Middleton always wore white bikinis when reeling in her Prince atop that yacht. 

But we're not hunting that trust-fund vibe. Thankfully, you can amputate the Made in Chelsea / crying if you don't get to go ski-ing / pug in a Pucci connotations. 

We're seeking the cool with which Chloe Sevigny pairs a parade of see-through white dresses with a bright lip, bra and ankle boot all summer. She has many. We're looking for the tweed, Chanel and big hair vibe Alexa had. The embellished, vintage red-carpet alternative that Nicole Richie found in many a dress. The embroidered McQueen Rooney Mara made us swoon in. But then, all of these people have minions fluttering around them, at hand when it all goes wrong, in the manner of Snow White and her attendant bluebirds.

We only have sniggering friends in the grips of arrested development who fail to tell us of the Pimms bruise on our bottom. 

Here's a style gallery of people who got it white (dad joke buzzer). Note the neon pops, hard black to toughen up and flats rather than strappy heels. 

And if you're never going to be one of those people who can get beyond 29 minutes in white without disaster striking, take comfort in these words from the Never Underdressed team; plus a nifty way around the conondrum.

Harriet Walker: 'The same people who wear white successfully are those with scarily efficient hair. But then, that's only 2% of the population.'

Kelly Bowerbank: 'The knack to wearing white well is looking like you haven't got a care in the world while doing so (even if inside you’re screaming at the chocolate-handed child who’s running right at you…). And I find it’s easier to have that knack if you buy cheaper, high street pieces. Then if you do have an unfortunate encounter with a glass of red wine it’s not so upsetting.'

Laura Silver: 'I have never been the kind of good-at-life person that won’t end up looking totally Pollock if I wear white, but a white leather pencil skirt I recently bought from ASOS is allowing me to get around that  - it's wipe clean! I've spilt red wine and sat in soy sauce, but nay bother, with the swish of a cloth what would have been disastrous for cotton is suddenly inconsequential. Plus, white leather is SO Dolly Parton. In a good way.'