Girl meets boy, girl sleeps with boy, boy turns out to be her cousin, oh well, girl finds another boy. Rewind – what?

Sounds absurd, but the tiny population of Iceland has made it necessary for an anti-incest app. Given the population is a mere 320,000, about the size of Leicester, Croydon or Bradford, courting can be calamitous. And illegal.

Open scene. You’re hanging at the glacier. Eyes meet. Before you make a date to canoodle in the Blue Lagoon, would-be suitors touch their phones together. They are alerted by text and sound if their family trees are located in the same spinney. 

One wonders what the ‘sound’ alert consists of. A klaxon? A military commander yelling ‘retreat!’? How’s about a cheery burst of Sister Sledge’s We Are Family to temper the tension. 

The app was devised from a complete record of the island’s genealogy, which is utterly unique to Iceland. Much of the population is distantly related given the isle was deserted and regarded as uninhabitable until 3000 years ago. Most Icelanders are descendants of the fleet of Norse settlers who bravely sailed into the jaws of potential volcanic doom. 

Not only will it curtail cousin trysts, the app also has a birthday calendar, which makes sure you never forget the birthdays of those on your family tree with a handy alert. If said alert goes off whilst you’re handing your boyfriend his birthday present, you’re probably entitled to a refund.