Rooney Mara is a total sphinx. Those Slavic cheekbones, that alabaster skin and damn them – those inscrutable eyes. What lies beneath such still waters? We speculate wildly.

The first thing we know for sure is that she is deadpan hilarious. All you need do is scroll through our gallery with quotes to see that. When asked what it was like to kiss Catherine Zeta Jones on-screen, she replied. 'I don’t know. Fine. Nice. Whatever.' Teenage eye roll! And when asked why Channing Tatum was terrified of her while filming Side Effects, she sounds wryly amused. 'I don’t know… I thought I was pretty nice.'

Rooney is obsessed with going to open houses and posing as a potential buyer, so we reckon her house in L.A. is probably killer chic, in fierce monochrome, just like her wardrobe. And she’s an Aries, so her serene surface probably masks a volcanic temper.

We also know that she has strong Irish roots, so she probably loves a pint of Guinness, so she does, to be sure etc etc. Her father founded the New York Giants and she says 'football is the glue that holds our family together' so [speculation klaxon!] during Thanksgiving, they probably have family games in the garden. Rooney also loves that rude word that begins with a 'c' – we hope she doesn’t yell that when she loses. Tut.

She has a boyfriend of two years called Charlie McDowell, whose stepfather is Cheers star Ted Danson, so she probably hangs with the T-dawg. Recently she’s been trying to hide a Titanic sparkler on her engagement finger by turning it around [but the Daily Mail were not foxed, no sirree], so it looks like she’s getting hitched.

She’s now the face of Calvin Klein’s new fragrance, Downtown, so we bet she smells v. nice. Having studied psychology at university, our speculation machine shows that she’s a great girlfriend to analyse a boy’s text messages with.

The third child of four, she most likely got crappy, ill fitting hand-me-down clothes. So, no wonder she loves dressing up in the elegantly severe gowns top stylist Ryan Hastings gives her.

Famed for being publicity shy himself, and thus attracting similarly shy clients (Alice in Wonderland's Mia Wasikowska, Robert Pattinson), Rooney describes him as 'quiet and thoughtful. We instantly got along.' While taking pains to stress that she helps choose the clothes and is not Ryan’s 'doll'.

Oohee. That’ll be that Aries temper then.