After four days in Milan, I've spent approximately 90 per cent of my time with models. Genetic anomalies whose skin is like double cream, whose eyes are perfectly almondine and whose limbs are positively gazelle-like. In short, they’re young, spry, good enough to eat - and make most of us wilt a little inside just thinking about their irrepressible beauty.

So I resolved to buck up  - after all, if you cant beat 'em, you join them. Or at least, copy their every move. Which is why I spent Milan Fashion Week peering unobtrusively at Joan Smalls, uber model. And this is what I learnt.

1. Know thy own face. When Joan's make up artist scurries off to find something in the melee, Joan will whip out her own concealer and foundation and touch, pat and blend into the inner corners of the eyes and around her nose and mouth. We all spend a lifetime scrutinising our own faces, so it makes sense that we're the one’s who best know how to identify our trouble spots - then counteract them.

2. To look graceful is to be graceful. Even when she's having her hair yanked and her eyelids scratched by another layer of kohl, Joan doesn’t slump. She sits upright, her chin slightly lifted - a smile playing delicately on her lips. In other words, fake energy and happiness until you make them.

3. Go rogue. Sometimes you just can’t tow the line - particularly when it comes to taking care of your skin. Some models' complexions are really showing the strain by the time Milan swings around. Not Joan's. She keeps it oh-so simple. Backstage, a mist of rosewater on the face can soothe and rebalance. A pat of Homeoplasmine on the eyelid allays irritation. And a smattering of drawn-on freckles (MAC's Brow Pencils in Lingering and Fling are your ticket here) across the nose makes one look a little sun-tickled from a long weekend on the Cote d'Azur, rather than utterly exhausted.

Joan, we salute you.