Somebody needs to bring Richard Kay over at the Daily Mail up to speed on London postcodes, gang violence and celebrity property deals because the man is seriously struggling to grasp James Jagger’s decision to move to hipster hangout Hackney.

Writing in the Mail yesterday, Kay says the 27-year-old son, pictured, of rock star Mick Jagger and supermodel Jerry Hall ‘has secretly bought a house in a rundown corner of Hackney, East London – close to an estate notorious for gun and gang-related crime’. 

He continues to describe the location of Jagger’s £1.3m new house in hilariously hysteric tones, citing tragic but utterly unrelated murders (some of which were in no way ‘gang-related’) that happened years and miles apart as evidence that ‘while the four-bedroom house is well maintained and designed, it sits in the middle of one of the most dangerous areas of the capital’.

London Fields is, according to Kay, a place where ‘youths dressed in red bandanas – the mark of LA gangs’ congregate. Um, who’s going to tell him that actually you are far more likely to encounter an off-duty model wearing millinery from Charlie Le Mindu, sipping a hibiscus-infused gin cocktail while posing for a streetstyle snapper in London Fields than you are a murderer. 

London Fields and E8 is, in fact, so overrun with celebrity progeny like James Jagger – you cannot venture onto Broadway Market without running into Pixie Geldof – that other people, whose parents aren’t rock stars, have actually started to move to Peckham  or de Beauvoir.