My name is Lynn and I’m not entirely sure I like it.

When I ask my mum how she chose my name, she answers straightforwardly: ‘Because I liked the sound of it.’ Which seems like a sensible reason for picking a name but really it is frightfully naïve. Names are much more than a sound, Mum, names are a signifier of who you are, where you’re from and where you might be going.

Well that’s the opinion of ex-Apprentice candidate Katie Hopkins AKA the most contemptible woman in the country. Appearing on This Morning earlier this month – and on a much-watched YouTube clip quickly thereafter – she laid out her case. ‘You can tell a great deal from a name. For me, there are certain names and I hear them and I think, ‘Uuurgh,’ she said animatedly, pearls glowing at her throat. ‘When I hear screeched across the playground, ‘Tyler come back here’ … You know it’s that. That’s the Tylers, the Charmaines, the Chantelles, the Chardonnays … A name for me is a shortcut. It’s a really efficient way of working out what class that child comes from, do I want my children to play with them.’

She continued: ‘I don’t judge people on their surnames but certainly I do make a very quick decision based on their first name.  And there’s a whole bunch of first names I don’t like. I don’t like footballers’ names, I don’t like names after seasons of the year, I don’t geographical location names, celebrity names, things like Apple, or you know Tilly Fizz or Jolly Apple.’

Hopkins, mother of India, Poppy and Maximilian, may be rightly pilloried for her ludicrous comments and her enthusiastic delivery was particularly unsavoury but, in class-obsessed Britain, names speak of fashion, taste and money as much as your average It bag – and that is why it is always fascinating to discover which moniker a couple have chosen for their offspring.

The royal baby obviously has a particularly impressive surname: His or Her Royal Highness, Prince or Princess of Cambridge. You could stick Waynetta in front of that and still be sure that Katie Hopkins would be clamouring to book a play date, but that doesn’t mean Kate and Wills (I don’t have to call them Catherine and William, do I?) will go for an outré name. Most likely, they will opt for a safe option, a traditional name.

W&K would really be best opting for one that is hard to pin down in terms of class or ethnicity, something quite bog standard that will age well and be unlikely to cause embarrassment at any stage over the next 90 years. The bible is a good place to start – those names have been around for aeons and they aren’t suddenly going to lurch in and out of fashion as the little HRH progresses through life.

Sure, Amelia, Joshua, Lily and Charlie are popular now but what will they mean in a decade or two decades’ time? Names go on as much of a journey as the bodies who bear them. There was a time when Sophie was considered foreign, a time when Stanley suited little boys who had never even seen a Woodbine, let alone smoked 70 of them; there will no doubt be a time when Pesto becomes the aspirational appellation du jour. Although you'll always be safe with Jack, Rachel, Sarah and Laura – and your child will have more chance of finding its soubriquet on a Coke bottle.

"When I ask my mum how she chose my name, she answers straightforwardly: ‘Because I liked the sound of it.’"

Lynn in Ireland, where I’m from, means you’re probably in your late 20s or early 30s and you’re likely to have professional but not posh parents. In England, where I live, Lynn means you’re probably in your 50s or 60s, you probably spell it ‘Lynne’ and you’re likely to hear Alan Partridge impressions quite a bit. In America, Lynn means you’re probably of the same vintage of the British Lynns and you’re likely to be a country singer. And in Sweden, you’re probably quite like the Irish Lynns in a lot of ways, but you’ll spell it Linn. It’s too variable I find, too laden with cultural significance.

Whatever name they go for, however, the Cambridges face a unique fashionable-naming conundrum: they will suddenly create a huge trend. Just look at what happens to the sales of a pair of LK Bennett courts or a Reiss dress when spotted upon the Duchess. Their baby name will no doubt surge in popularity in the coming years, pushing Chloe and Noah to the bottom of the pile, becoming newly fashionable, or unfashionable depending on which way you look at it, with hordes of commoners bestowing their ordinary offspring with a royal appellation.

I hope they choose wisely.