On announcing the appointment of Pippa Middleton as contributing editor to Vanity Fair, editor Graydon Carter credited her as a ‘keen observer of classic British pastimes’ continuing that ‘we look forward to her take on traditional English pursuits’. 

So do we Graydon, so do we. The first English endeavour that Kate’s sister will educate our American friends on will be Wimbledon, but what other attributes of our fine countrymen will she tell tales of during her time at the iconic magazine? 

Here’s some of the most ‘traditional English pursuits’ our American cousins could be interested to learn about, and how we imagine Pippa, she who is known for her sage nuggets of wisdom, might explain them…

 

On drinking: ‘Drinking is the primary hobby of most Brits and it’s not all Pimm’s and G&T like at the palace. When on the “lash” (our name for partying), “lads” will drink a cocktail known as “lager-top”, where a splash of lemonade is added to their pint, and girls may throw Brit-favourite, Port, in a blue alcho-pop to create one of our lesser-know national drinks, the “Cheeky Vimto”’.  

On the weather: ‘We daren't talk about anything as crass as our feelings or finances in England, so instead we stick with the safe subject of weather, which often involves rain. We call this, “piss-it-down”. ’. 

On talkshows: ‘Our version of Jerry Springer is Jeremy Kyle, a firm but fair man who tackles the most serious issues at the heart of Broken Britain, such as “I'm A Binge Drinker And A Drug Dealer, But I'll Be A Great Dad!”’ 

On British place-names: ‘We find it a lark to give our towns and villages jolly names. Some examples are Lickey End in Worcestershire, Brown Willy in Cornwall, and Backside Lane in Oxfordshire’.

On beauty regimes: ‘Cosmetic surgery is not as popular in the UK as it is in America as we instead like to improvise. Girls in South London combat lines and wrinkles with a tightly-fixed ponytail known as the “Croydon Facelift”’.